(7 votes, average: 4.14 out of 5)
Loading ...Here is a list of actual announcements that London Tube train drivers have made to their passengers. It just goes to show that boring and mundane work can inspire wit and humour. I guess we should thank these drivers for brightening the tedium of underground travel. So here are the funny London Underground announcements:
- “Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now…. ”Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall……”
- “We are now traveling through Baker Street… As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that”.
- “Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.”
- “Let the passengers off the train FIRST!” (Pause .) “Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I’m going home….”
- “Please move all baggage away from the doors.” (Pause..)
“Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.” (Pause…)
“This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!”
- “Please allow the doors to close! Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open’. The two are distinct and separate instructions.”
- “May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.”
If you know of any other funny london underground announcements feel free to post or link them in the comments below.
Dan the man.
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