In response to “The words women use, a guide for men” we have the men’s rules. I guess in reply to all the witty rules and translations sent in viral emails the men have decided to strike a blow for the oppressed and diminished male ego and here it is. Have a read and let me know what you think of these rules and tips to help women understand men.

1.   Men are NOT mind readers.

2. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

3. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

4. Shopping is NOT a sport and no, we are never going to think of it that way.

5. Crying is blackmail.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

7. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

8. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

10. If you think you’re fat, you probably are, don’t ask us.

11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

12. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done… Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

13. Whenever possible, please say WHATEVER you have to say during commercials.

14. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

15. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

16. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

17. If we ask what is wrong and you say ‘nothing’, we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

18. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

19. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

20. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as football or golf.

Oh and yes, you have enough clothes. You also have too many shoes. Thank you for reading this… Of course, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

So what do you think of this list of men’s rules? Anything you would add or take away? Was this funnier than the woman equation?

Dan the man.

Joke entry

Joke entry

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